Walker's Toughest Fight
by EdmundMann
Summary: Walker has a high noon showdown with a new arrival to town who challenges Walker's authority.


Walker's Toughest Fight  
  
Author's note: This is a fictional story based on characters from the popular television program "Walker: Texas Ranger," a television program about the life of a Texas tough-man. The author does not own the rights to the characters portrayed. The author makes no profit from this story.  
  
[Two ninjas are sitting in a bar in Japan.]  
  
Ninja #1: Man, I'm sick of that damn Walker: Texas Ranger!  
  
Ninja #2: Me too. We should go rip him a new one.  
  
Ninja #1: Well, let's move to Texas and show him up for all our boys he's shamed.  
  
Ninja #2: Okay, good idea.  
  
[They proceed to rob the bar to get money for two plane tickets to Texas. They don't know where in Texas, but they figure that Walker will find them if they "raise enough hell," so to speak.]  
  
[Let's cut to the chase here - they arrive in Texas and cause quite a ruckus in order to attract Walker. They do the usual - throw ninja stars into melons, chop telephone poles in half with their swords, kidnap and ransom pets - but with no sign of Walker.]  
  
[The sheriff of the town begins to worry (you'd worry too, if your town was crawling with ninjas), and he also begins to wonder whether or not Walker has forgotten the Texas Rangers' Code.]  
  
Sheriff: Oh Walker, have you forgotten the Code? It says that a Texas Ranger's job is to keep the state of Texas free from the ninja scourge, and yet my town is crawling with them!  
  
[As the sheriff says this, Walker rides into town on a metal horse. He pulls out a 20-foot gun and shoots the sheriff's door down.]  
  
Sheriff: Oh, Walker, thank God! I thought you'd forgotten your duty!  
  
Walker: Thank me, not God. I'm the one who's going to take care of your ninjas.  
  
Sheriff: What? W-  
  
Walker: Ah, forget it. It's nothing. Just let me do my work and I'll be gone.  
  
[Walker goes outside and shoots a couple people to cheer himself up, and then he goes out and looks for the ninjas. After shooting 20 or so people, the ninjas hear that Walker is in town and go to confront him.]  
  
Ninja #1: Walker, you have dishonored our clan and our country!  
  
[Walker pulls out a Japanese flag.]  
  
Walker: You mean this country?  
  
[Walker throws the flag up in the air and shoots 50 holes (one for each state) into it before it hits the ground.]  
  
Walker: Enough talkin', city slickers! Let's have a good old fashioned rumble!  
  
[Walker and the ninjas fight for about a minute before Walker has them thoroughly whipped. He has them so whipped that it prompts an onlooker to say this -  
  
Onlooker: Now that's what I call a Texas Whippin'!  
  
-that's just how bad Walker whips those ninjas.]  
  
[As Walker throws the ninjas' lifeless bodies to the ground, he becomes a man possessed. He wants more blood, but something is holding him back. He realizes that he can take care of that - he can take care of that so easily.]  
  
[Walker triumphantly raises his fist in the air and points his finger at the cause of all his problems. Walker finally does it; Walker challenges God.]  
  
Walker: Come on down here and fight me, you yellow-belly coward!  
  
[Since He's a drama queen, God makes it rain and thunder really hard before he finally comes down to face Walker. He tries to talk his junk about forgiveness and salvation and how he'll let Walker into heaven and all that, but Walker shoots his ears off so he doesn't have to listen to any more of God's prattling.]  
  
[They fight for about 2 minutes, which makes it the longest fight of Walker's life. Walker of course destroys God and runs him out of town on a pole. People don't know what to think. "Is Walker the new God?" is a question that is thrown around. Walker just grabs crotch while he shoots a lightning bolt from his gun to the town's church. He tells them that God is dead, and that they need to get on with their lives.]  
  
To be continued in Walker's Toughest Fight 2: Walker vs. Hulk Hogan 


End file.
